My God has answered me. Recently I have been in a state of experiencing only the present with no future to focus towards and the past released. This has not been an ecstatic experience of being, it is and was like living in a void of nothingness. My historic personality of healer and teacher simply died, it disappeared after my latest trip to Damanhur, Italy. Previously I had experienced it as a driver in my life pushing me to be whom I came here to be. I thought that meant that I was to help humanity thru coaching and writing, that these were the ways that I was to fulfill my mission. Yet, in the past months, I never stepped out to make changes in my life and to do what I ‘thought’ needed to be done. In late spring, I began to realize that maybe there were other roles that I was to be as part of my mission. Maybe, just maybe, I didn’t know how my future would be played out.
Then I went to Gargano and Damanhur. In those 19 days, I was agitated and then profoundly touched. I was irritated, I felt both isolated and as one with others. I was filled with an energetic gift that I hadn’t thought would ever be mine. For a week after we returned home in late June, I could physically sense being both as one with the fields of Damanhur, of the School of Meditation and with the Spirals of Being. Then everything changed. I began to feel sad and alone, more deeply alone than I had been for a long time. I began to realize that the personality that held this doer role of my mission was gone, I feared that I lost my path to doing my mission here on earth. My mission is to help humanity move into its original design and to exist in a new timeline of unity. I felt lost and anchor-less. Each day became a day of activities of filling time, because there was nothing else to aim for. A morning walk, a morning swim, helping out with grandchildren, shopping, cleaning house, but no energy to write anything, to be or do for humanity or even just for my own future survival. For many people, that is a normal life. For me it was hard to sit in the ‘not being’ because with that ‘no future’ feeling came no hope and a degree of sadness and separateness that held me down. This past Wednesday I had a session with Deepak Chari whose work with voice resonance helps introduce those harmonics that are missing into our individual field, and thus provide a new resonance for the individual to be in. I was in a negative slump when that session began and by the end of the session, the sadness and sense of isolation had ended. However the nothingness remained.
In an Architects’ Spiral of Being call on the following Saturday, I shared my experience of the nothingness. Tantra agreed that ‘I’ was dead. That, like the Goddess Innana, I needed to be assisted in moving out of hell and back to whom I came here to be. If you know this Goddesses’ story, it was with the assistance of humans that Innana was brought back to life and learned what she was for humanity. Tantra suggested transparency with others in the Spirals as a way for me to elicit that same kind of support. I felt that speaking in the call and writing blogs were a start to being more transparent. I also became clear that my God and I needed to talk. So that night I told my God that I needed some sign from it, that this state that I was in was not what I wanted. Then I remembered something that has been out of my conscious attention for years. In 2005, I took a group of spiritual tourists to Peru to visit the Sacred Valley. While there the group visited Machu Picchu, I spent two days in my own private meditation and received an energetic gift that I was to offer to humanity. They are the Seeds of Cosmic Consciousness, which are an energetic resource to support the spiritual and personal transformation of each recipient. They were placed in my left breast for safe keeping.
In 2006 and 2014, I created workshops where I delivered the Seeds to participants. Those weekend workshops ended after a year in each case, and I haven’t even thought about the Seeds for five years. So what made me think about them that night? Well, I have had pain and congestion feeling in my left breast for four days. Tonight, laying in bed with this achy breast I was thinking about what it could be that was causing this pain. I had already searched the internet and was contemplating the many possible causes. I was also looking at all the ‘left’ side injuries that have happened recently – my left pinkie finger, my left baby toe, my left knee and now my left breast. I knew that none of these were serious injuries and so the left breast was probably not. What was trying to get my attention? And then I remembered. The breast pain that I experienced in 2006 was the same that I am experiencing now. Back then I got a mammogram. Nothing ‘medical’ to be concerned about. I will do the same this time and I am sure, there will be nothing ‘medical’ to explain the ache.
So I know now what I must do. It is time for the Seeds of Cosmic Consciousness to be delivered to humans again. I need to make money too, so one plan is to offer myself as both a speaker and as a deliver the Seeds of Cosmic Consciousness. That seemed so clear in the middle of the night and now, in daylight, my concerns about the ‘how’of this effort is with me. I have tried to do this before and it was not as easy as I had hoped. What I do know is that my God has answered me. Now it is for me to act and do, so that I can be this role of the deliverer of the Seeds of Cosmic Consciousness.
This is how the Seeds described themselves in 2006
We are the nurturers of your future.
We are the fertilizer that will help you grow on your path.
We are the stimulus to that which will help you take that step, make that call, hold yourself to an action.
We are the best of you.
We will hold the light when you think you have fallen into the darkness.
We will remind you of your helpers and your strong core when you feel alone and weak.
Most of all, we will be a magnet for resources that help you prepare for your path, and for the energetic changes coming to your earth.
We come to aid you not to change you, to assist you not to direct you.
We will not demand change of you nor will we speak when you have bade us not to.
We hope to be a rich resource for you.
Hold us in your heart. Talk to us.
Feed us with your action and intention.
We are thankful that you invite us on your journey.
In 2014, they added
We have been waiting for the awakening of the human soul so that our energies could be utilized to the highest advantage of connecting recipients’ souls to the mind and heart of creation. We are one with that and will assist humans to move into that awareness and that energy so that they can create the world that they dared not dream before. We are one and we are many. You have hundreds of thousands within you and you may give them to anybody. To ensure that each recipient human takes full advantage of our capacities, we suggest that you teach them or lead them in meditation so that their soul is at rest, that they are attentive to the process and have made a personal commitment.